Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Wild Horses

My heart longs to be free....free from the rules and regulations that I have been taught in order to bind it. Free from the judgement of others, the judgement from myself, the judgement in the teachings and in the rules. Fear has been the dominate tool to keep me flying straight  in this life and in so many ways I am grateful to fear as it has helped guide me safely to where I am today. But the disconnect is no longer...the fear will not lead, it cannot lead for it has now been put where it belongs to keep me safe not to lead my life. My heart has seen and knows the freedom that we are capable of ~ this is the place where we all began. We are all love, we are all divine and we have all touched this freedom we just don't remember it. My heart yearns to be free and to fly to wherever it sets its sights....cause at the end of it all what truly matters most is LOVE

Monday, July 8, 2013

Lotus Flower

I have been reading a TON about shame these days and I am so glad because I had absolutely no idea what shame really is. In fact it did not resonate much with me so in true human form I thought I am good " no shame here " :) I was wrong!!!! I may not live in the language of shame but I sure know how to live with a shame armor~ a shield of shame to actually prevent any shameful events from coming in. Growing up with an alcoholic Dad like I had I have no question nor guilt for my shame armor, it was used to protect and defend so it was for the good however it is not in my best interest now and must make its way out. This revelation has lead me to my post today....we live in a world of instant gratification, so naturally I would like and somewhat expect my shame shield to evaporate immediately this is warranted by the fact that I have recognized it so therefore done the work to make it go.....I don't think so ;-)

We all need to give ourselves a break, healing is a process. It is a step my step journey where we must visit all aspects hiding beneath the area in which we want healed. This could possible take YEARS~ yes YEARS. You may choose to forgive someone that has caused you suffering but that does not mean the pain is healed, it most likely is not and that is okay. It is okay to feel pain in your heart by someone who wronged you years ago, it is okay as long as you recognize the pain and feel it. This comes back to the notion of shame, shame makes us vulnerable, when we turn to anger in a painful situation we are turning to fear -fear of the feelings that are causing the vulnerability and we when stay in this place our healing stalls. We all suffer, we all feel pain and YES we are all vulnerable, no one is above it. We are spirits living in human form and therefore we are subject to painful experiences.

I had a moment a couple of months ago where I saw someone I loved raw with emotion, she was hysterical and without thinking twice I walked over and held her. If someone told me I would be that kind of support 5 years ago to her I would have been offended. This particular someone had hurt me so deeply, had caused a situation so rooted in shame that I was fueled on anger for months even years~ she had penetrated my shame shield in my weakest point,  my children, and I encountered a direct hit to the spirit. This situation spun terribly downward, I was stuck in a place of "how could she do this to me, to my kids, my family"~ it wasn't until I began to recognize my own feelings of vulnerability within the situation that I could actually start to climb out of the web and start to heal. And YES this has taken a good 5 YEARS- Yikes

This post is another reiteration to continue the practice to stay in your heart and when you make or take on something to make it about you~ you are in your head not your heart. Healing cannot take place in your head it is created through your heart and it cannot grow from fear; healing must grow from a place of vulnerability and therefore you must acknowledge the shame surrounding it. A process that takes TIME and that is MORE than okay!!!!!