Remedy

I have spent some time writing about the epidemic that I feel is our society's biggest threat- that which I call Soul Sickness. It spreads rapidly- we live our lives believing that our human Self is the driver of our ship and therefore we are run entirely by the chitter chatter of the mind. This is the root of Soul Sickness- we are spirits contained by a human body not the other way around.

I am about to embark on an exciting day as I have the privilege to introduce Yoga to almost 40 people! Most of them have never done Yoga, some have and some used too. I am honored and humbled to have this opportunity but wanted to share a bit of what this group will be exposed too :)

The spiritual practice of Yoga is a practice that over time brings you closer to the divinity within you.

Our bodies hold our stories: our memories, traumas, joys and so on. Although we may have talked through the not so pretty ones we still hold onto them within the fibers of our bodies. If we do not find a way to release the wounds we will perpetually run into the patterns of behavior that hold us hostage on our journey, the whole walking on sand metaphor, we move one step forward 2 steps back.

The Asana practice ( postures and movement of Yoga) is the gateway to the sacred space in which we are healed, a place where we can reside and steer our ship. The postures create a peeling back of Self much like the peeling back of layers of an onion.

You may first notice after you begin a Yoga practice that you body feels better, the joints are not as sore. The muscles are not as tight and that lower back that has caused so much grief is actually beginning to settle down. If you stick with the practice you may notice some mental changes such as a clearer and quieter mind, sleeping better, making healthier choices in regards to what you put into your body for nourishment. ( This is the stage when the light bulbs of your spirit begin to go from dim to bright- which is a whole other post!!)And finally you will find yourself confronted with a major source of stress that would usually spin you out into some chaotic, emotional hot mess place full of irrational thoughts, fear and anxiety. However if you have stuck with this spiritual practice your find that you face this source of stress from a calm, objective place of strength and grace. You face this stress as yourself in your full perfect spiritual form and your human container is there to help move and hold your spirit while you do what your divine self leads your to do.

It is only when we begin to separate from the human Ego and chatter of the mind that we can hear God. This sacred space is where we are present and when we are present the divine is everywhere.

I believe that Yoga has sustained over 5000 years because of this- through this practice you will find happiness and joy within the mundane daily tasks because you are connected home to the divine. And through this connection there is a Knowing in every cell of your being that each breath you take is a gift of life to you from your creator and it is not to be taken for granted.

Namaste

Judge Not

As I travel further and further along this spiritual path the reality that my spirit lives in a human container is at the forefront of most of my thinking. The distinction between the human part of this existence and the spiritual part is so crystal clear. I am so aware that the mind, body and spirit coexist so my thoughts are almost becoming compartmentalized into boxes for human stuff and then boxes for spiritual stuff. In most ways this is easier than before when my mind led the way, my body was dragged along and my spirit was stuffed down deep inside me and maybe just maybe if I sat still long enough I could hear its whisper. My spirit now drives the bus and man last night did it drive down the streets of my mind with a huge megaphone - at one point I questioned whether or not I should go to divinity school as I feel somewhat of a spiritual soldier or God these days :-)

Our world is soul sick and I have talked about this before, we are becoming ill and do not know why. We don't feel right, we feel disconnected, we are VERY happy followed by crippling sadness that we so quickly escape when it starts to seep in. Each of us is a bright shining spirit inside of a human container. Let this spirit lead the way, I promise you it is a much easier and happier way of life. Get out of your mind and into your body, but you have to sit still, you have to stop and by God you have to FEEL!!! And you cannot feel anything in your mind or your spirit, you feel in your body, this is why we are in human form. The mind is there to notice and the spirit is there to protect and honor whatever it is you are feeling

I had a thought about a month back about judgement- Judgement is not a spiritual practice it is a human practice, as humans we judge everything. Why? My guess is all judgements are derived out of a place of insecurities and fear, both of which are human emotions. If we begin to stop judging ourselves, our desires, our actions, our thoughts and so on- we would most likely stop judging others yes? But would we notice the judgement placed unto us by others? We would still see the judgement in the world or would we become oblivious to it? Something to ponder.......

For today can you make space to sit in the stillness if even for a short burst and release a judgement you hold for yourself? Because in the end this judgement is not real, you are already complete and whole. A beautiful bright shining light just waiting for you to begin to chisel away at the armor you have created to protect yourself from this human world.

Namaste

Mirrors

It has been a very long time since I last wrote, I have been pleasantly preoccupied with my new baby and 3 other children. This leads me to my post today and the evolution of continuing to let my heart and soul lead the way instead of my mind.

Lately there has been a lot of reflection and conversation in regards to all of us being mirrors to one another, with this being said the mirroring begins the moment we enter this world. We use this mirroring to help us develop our self worth, self esteem and so on. On the journey back to the heart with myself and working with others I can't help but notice that almost all of us feel defective in some way which has caused some major road blocks on our path. I think it is time for us to examine our parents and how they live / lived in this world. Did your Mom and Dad live with a heart wide open? Did they love themselves unconditionally? If you cannot answer yes to these questions then you most likely learned and received conditional love. This conditional love in terms of mirroring is the very reason why deep down inside you feel defective, not worthy....not good enough. If our parents could not embrace their entire selves with love they could not mirror that back to you, and because we are born whole and complete, we slowly begin to deviate away from those certain parts of the light because the love energy that radiated out from us was not returned. We only had the ebb and flow of pure love in the places where our parents were able to access. And in turn the cycle lives on in our adolescent lives and into adulthood if we have not done the work to break the pattern. Love is something that cannot and does not reside within the head, knowing we should love something does not create love....it is best to relate this concept to ourselves, if when thinking about loving ourselves your mind immediately answers with of course I love myself we are supposed to love ourselves chances are you don't. The skeletons in the closet have not been embraced and befriended which has to be done in order to live a life wholeheartedly. All parts must be included ( the scariest ones) which results in unconditional love.

If we want to change the world we must start with ourselves, think about the impact on the next generation of children if their parents loved and lived through their whole heart.  Our legacy would be leaving the next generation of kids feeling whole, complete and worth it- at that point the sky truly is the limit.

We cannot place blame on how we got to be where we are, this does not help our growth in any regard. We can however see why we are, how it came to be and then move through it, we are the captain of our ship and my god our children are learning most from our actions and how we feel about ourselves. So what are you reflecting back? Do you love yourself unconditionally? Is your heart wide open? Is the captain of your ship the heart?  If the answer is no then please know you are not alone and in fact you are the majority, but you can break the cycle, you can change. It takes courage, hope, faith and resilience but all of us came in to this world whole and we can leave this world the same way.

Lets keep our kids shining bright, keep them whole and give them a chance the most of us never had by learning to truly love ourselves again.

Thank You

I am constantly reminded that this "whole" living thing is a practice....it is always a practice. A practice in kindness, compassion, patience and so on. We are human, we trip up and that is the facts which is why we must always continue our practice.

Fear has been ever present these days- something that keeps rearing its head but last week while sitting in church I had a bit of a breaking point. While listening to part of the scripture it certainly appeared to me that the words were driving a fear that in turn would create an eternal love? How can that be? And so my practice dove deeper- I think I may have touched on this before but love is abundance, it is pure and it applies to everyone and everything no matter what. Fear creates lack, negativity and doubt love and fear cannot coexist together simultaneously or can they?

I will be continuing this practice of examining the two (fear and love) only because I know when I am purely in my heart no fear can exist, but my head is a different story. The goal is to combine and intertwine the head and heart right? So then what?

As I move slowly away from my fear and back into my heart I am awe struck at how the most simple moments can move one's entire soul. As I sit in the silence this evening I am filled with pure gratitude for the opportunity to be fully present with my little one. I was reminded of the miracle he is, the miracle we all are and with that the tears of gratitude began to flow. These are the tears that take your breathe away- that stir your soul, the blessed tears. They cannot be created in your head and cannot exist in fear....these tears of joy are from the heart. And so I am thankful for the constant opportunity to practice....

I read a plaque today that said " You have your hands full...Yes and you should see my heart" - as I embark on my latest journey - moving from a family of five to six- this statement says it all and there is nothing more.

Namaste

Wake Up and Live

As we have move forward into the new year I have started to go back and study the yogic principle of Satya- otherwise known as our truth. When I think about all the New Year's Resolutions being made I cannot help but wonder how many of them overlap from the previous year or years before? This leads me to this post- Why? Why on earth would we have overlapping Resolutions? What has held you back from accomplishing your resolution last year or the year before? In regards to my own Satya I have to ask are you truly alive and living or just here occupying the planet? This is it this one life and each year ( but really each morning we wake up) we get a chance to Wake Up and tackle our resolution- but I may suggest something else? Instead of a resolution why don't we all resolve to actually live this year. Live in the now, the present and make each day the very best day we could or at least try our best for that?

Our friend Fear rears its head in the trickiest of ways and for so many there is a belief of living and moving forward but fear has them moving at a snails pace or has them moving in circles disguised as moving forward. Fear of failure, inadequacy, being alone, lacking and even of reaching their highest potential- if Fear is holding you back or has a grip around your waist then you are not moving ahead you are stalled out waiting for life to bring you what you want- and I believe in the power of  manifestation but when Fear is involved nothing manifests! You need to become proactive and go out on a limb- be vulnerable- this is when we can truly achieve the life we desire and deserve. Because the truth is every single one of us is deserving of the life we want!!!

So I pose this question today- what is it that you truly want out of this one life? And what are you doing each and every day to go after that dream? Are you proactive and vulnerable?

Namaste

The Rainbow Connection

As I sit here in my pile of intolerance for adult behaviors that seem to continue to circle round and round and round with no apparent end in sight~ not only am I bothered by others but mostly by my own mindset. As I got up to grab some water I was stopped in my tracks my something deemed as holding little to no significance in my life- but maybe it should. The 2 sippy cups drying on the counter featuring Elmo with a smile in scuba gear and Abby as a fairy with a wand darted my energetic field with the reminder of innocence, hope and happiness.

Maybe the kids are the ones that have it right- inundated with fantastic cartoons about the joys of succeeding, being a good person in the midst of adversity and following your heart. Reminders through books and music that things get better and to "just keep swimming". We are jaded as adults- if the kids are here to save our world maybe it is time for adults to start taking cues from the little ones, more cartoons, colors, playfulness, games and the pure joy of just being. And maybe even time for the kids to stop learning from the unhealthy behaviors of our parents that we spend the later part of our lives trying to undo.

Imagine a world full of hope, innocence, color, joy, play and experience- what would you do if you could go back and be a kid again for just one day? Is there a way to incorporate that image into your daily routine now as an adult?

Now this my friends is something to ponder!!

Namaste

ONE

To continue my trail from the previous post about how life is a gift,  it is what we do with it not what we accumulate during it!  I stumbled upon a most fabulous documentary called " I AM " and I urge everyone out there to watch this movie! Talk about uplifting and refreshing but most of all it was amazing to see the validation of living through the eyes of our heart. The movie brought up the term Utopia,  which I have not thought about in ages- I vaguely remember a decade or so ago having arguments about Utopia and how it is not possible while I of course was arguing " YES IT IS" :)

This has sparked some critical and metaphysical thinking- so maybe we cannot create a Utopian society overnight - but why can't we create Utopia within ourselves? The movie talks about the magnetic field, how we all are one and how our thoughts and behaviors influence others. So if we individually strive to find Utopia in ourselves then wouldn't it make sense that it would begin to radiate to others and permeate the surface....hence a trickle down effect happening? Possibly even creating that Utopian society deemed impossible to create?

We are moving rapidly out of the masculine "doing, fixing, and intolerance for emotion"  place we have inhabited for so long and moving into the feminine. Which means it is time for us to begin to lead from our emotions towards- embracing, loving, acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness and love. Out of the head and into the heart- this is where those emotions thrive- so life will feel easier, you will move with grace and be able to ride the wave of life. Things will no longer happen within the perception of  "happening to you" because in your heart you know you are part of something bigger, something greater than yourself and if you are sad or down everyone feels it, we are all in it together, we are all supported from this heart felt place, we are not separate. 

I believe in every fiber of my being that we are brought into this world all the same, gigantic lights of heart and spirit.  Asking the heart to conform to the ways of a consumer driven machine like our society has been doesn't quite jive does it? And you wonder why we end up jaded, unhappy, discontent, lost and trying desperately to find our ways home- we are perpetually trying to squeeze a square peg into a circle space.

I pose this question;
If we are all one and have been blessed with the same gift of life how are you going to choose to live it?

A Gift

I have not posted in long time- mainly due to distraction, time and sorting through the various meanderings of my mind. However it appears every which way I try to slice and dice it my outlook on everything comes down to a real knowing and faith that life is a gift~ it is a simple as this. Your parents gave you a gift and what you do with it is what makes the journey. There are no rights here on this planet, we are not entitled to anything, it is the journey and all the lessons that we encounter along the way that create the filling within this precious container.

So many of us get caught up in our parents and what they did or how they acted, where we came from, our childhood was this or that, etc....none of that truly matters down at the heart of it all. What matters is how you choose to fill this journey. Our perception is one of the most powerful tools we have- where is your perception arrow directed- to the comparison of yourself and the world around you or to your soul and the opportunities that await on your path?

I think about this with my children- I was never one to daydream about the house, the kids, the wedding...etc. In fact I was never really clear as to what I wanted until I met my husband- and the only clarity I had was " I do not want to live a day without this man". There were no thoughts about "good father" or "good husband" or any projections of our possible life, my soul perceived another "gift" on my journey and thank god I was quiet enough and had enough faith to listen. When it came to kids and comes to kids- I have given the gift of life to these boys, I was blessed on my journey to give them life and I am so excited to see how they live it. I want them to experience the beauty, experience the pain, the hope, the disappointment, the lust, the love, the tears, the happiness and so on!! I could go on forever because how cool is it to be the vessel of this gift?! They are here to experience their gift and I can be a witness and if they choose once they are grown have more of a part but it is up to them.

I think we have confused the lines or even forgotten the foundation of it all- we are not entitled to be here, we are not entitled to have what every one else has, we are not entitled to have children- and receiving the gift of being a parent does not entitle us to manage their life or set their course based on what we believe is right. As a parent- yes our journey has been longer and we are wiser from experience,  but we are the same as our kids, our parents, as all of us around us, we have been given the gift of life and it is for each of us individually to recognize the gift and choose what YOU want to make of it.

I believe my suffering or discontentment on this journey is rooted in the energy driven by the ego that surrounds us of " I get to be here and be like everyone else". Our heart knows we have been given a gift / opportunity to live here, just as everyone else has and it can be taken from us at anytime, so follow the guidance in your heart, find your own way and make the most of it~ for it is truly precious.

Namaste

Wild Horses

My heart longs to be free....free from the rules and regulations that I have been taught in order to bind it. Free from the judgement of others, the judgement from myself, the judgement in the teachings and in the rules. Fear has been the dominate tool to keep me flying straight  in this life and in so many ways I am grateful to fear as it has helped guide me safely to where I am today. But the disconnect is no longer...the fear will not lead, it cannot lead for it has now been put where it belongs to keep me safe not to lead my life. My heart has seen and knows the freedom that we are capable of ~ this is the place where we all began. We are all love, we are all divine and we have all touched this freedom we just don't remember it. My heart yearns to be free and to fly to wherever it sets its sights....cause at the end of it all what truly matters most is LOVE

Lotus Flower

I have been reading a TON about shame these days and I am so glad because I had absolutely no idea what shame really is. In fact it did not resonate much with me so in true human form I thought I am good " no shame here " :) I was wrong!!!! I may not live in the language of shame but I sure know how to live with a shame armor~ a shield of shame to actually prevent any shameful events from coming in. Growing up with an alcoholic Dad like I had I have no question nor guilt for my shame armor, it was used to protect and defend so it was for the good however it is not in my best interest now and must make its way out. This revelation has lead me to my post today....we live in a world of instant gratification, so naturally I would like and somewhat expect my shame shield to evaporate immediately this is warranted by the fact that I have recognized it so therefore done the work to make it go.....I don't think so ;-)

We all need to give ourselves a break, healing is a process. It is a step my step journey where we must visit all aspects hiding beneath the area in which we want healed. This could possible take YEARS~ yes YEARS. You may choose to forgive someone that has caused you suffering but that does not mean the pain is healed, it most likely is not and that is okay. It is okay to feel pain in your heart by someone who wronged you years ago, it is okay as long as you recognize the pain and feel it. This comes back to the notion of shame, shame makes us vulnerable, when we turn to anger in a painful situation we are turning to fear -fear of the feelings that are causing the vulnerability and we when stay in this place our healing stalls. We all suffer, we all feel pain and YES we are all vulnerable, no one is above it. We are spirits living in human form and therefore we are subject to painful experiences.

I had a moment a couple of months ago where I saw someone I loved raw with emotion, she was hysterical and without thinking twice I walked over and held her. If someone told me I would be that kind of support 5 years ago to her I would have been offended. This particular someone had hurt me so deeply, had caused a situation so rooted in shame that I was fueled on anger for months even years~ she had penetrated my shame shield in my weakest point,  my children, and I encountered a direct hit to the spirit. This situation spun terribly downward, I was stuck in a place of "how could she do this to me, to my kids, my family"~ it wasn't until I began to recognize my own feelings of vulnerability within the situation that I could actually start to climb out of the web and start to heal. And YES this has taken a good 5 YEARS- Yikes

This post is another reiteration to continue the practice to stay in your heart and when you make or take on something to make it about you~ you are in your head not your heart. Healing cannot take place in your head it is created through your heart and it cannot grow from fear; healing must grow from a place of vulnerability and therefore you must acknowledge the shame surrounding it. A process that takes TIME and that is MORE than okay!!!!!

Namaste

3 Little Birds

While doing a little walk/jog this morning with my little man who turned 2 today, I was hit with the familiar "Oh Shit~ I have done it again" followed by disappointment and frustration. At the very end of one of the runs I felt the oh so great " I AM ALIVE" feeling....I used to find this feeling addictive, accomplished and exciting, I now know what it means- I have taken the fast track into my mind and out of my heart without any awareness of it. When we are practicing a life of living through our hearts we do not need a "rush" to remind us that we are in fact alive, that feeling is always there. Our urge to control, figure things out,  and the "what's next" syndrome dissipates- this makes for a far easier life however staying present can create the challenge of boredom for lack of a better word.  We are a society of stimulation, excess and busy~ these qualities are not top of the heap when one is present.

Two years ago today my little guy decided to make his way into this world 10 weeks early~ almost an entire trimester too soon. It was the most traumatic and gut wrenching experience of my life. I look back on that night and the 30 plus days he stayed in the NICU and remember an overwhelming feeling of all is okay, you are protected, when I woke up hemorrhaging I was immediately shot out of my head and into my heart, I stayed present and never went to any of those horrible places the mind can send us. Every night I was home without him I would muster up the strength to make my check in phone call to the NICU before bed to see if he was okay and still here knowing that I had to surrender it all over to a higher power as something else had far more control in this situation that I did. All I could do was be the best person I could and that meant embracing all the fears, faults, guilt shame and dark parts. I could love him and my family the best I could and that is where I lived. It is amazing two years later that when faced with a situation of absolute harm and terror that surrender is where I went and now when faced with possible terror and harm I am paralyzed with anxiety, the need for control and tormented with those dark thoughts that our mind chooses to entertain us with.

The light at the end of the tunnel is this (because there always is one :) ) Ryan catapulted me into a place of facing my fears as dark as they were and can be while helping me choose to live a life driven by heart not fear. This is and will always be a daily practice, years ago I may have had to go out running for months before I realized I was abducted by the delusions of my mind now after a good year or so of practice it took about 1/2 mile and a good 48 hours of WTF. Ryan's entry into this world combined with his thriving mind, body and spirit two years later are symbolic of hope, that if we love with all of our heart in the end "every little thing is going to be alright. (Ryan's lullaby and my mantra for the past 2 years)


With Love

Love Is My Religion

In refection of Father's Day, I sit and remember all the times I called my Dad or had dinner with him on this day. I have not had the opportunity to speak to him here in the physical world since his passing in 2002. As a Mom of 3 son's I see the opportunity today to celebrate their Father~ he is a good one, one who plays, one who cares, one who wants to be a Dad and takes on everything that comes with it. They are without a doubt protected and loved but most of all "seen". Which is all anyone really wants right? We want to be "seen" for who we are,  not for who our parents think we should be, or believe we are, or want us to be.

My children are very fortunate when it comes to their Dad~ I know this because I was not raised by a Dad like this, in fact my Father had very little to do with my life. But one thing was for sure he was constant, never changing and always showed up in the exact same way as the time before. So once I let go of the expectation of having someone different, of having that Dad who was involved, hands on and wanted to be there ~ I could meet him where he was with love and acceptance.

There were many if not most Father's Days I thought why do I have to celebrate this man? He hasn't been a good Father he has never been there for me so why must I be there for him!  However he gave me the gift of life and I was and continue to be forever grateful to him. This act alone is enough to love him entirely, when we step outside of the fire and find that tiny light within, we can access the love at all times- love for a stranger, love for someone who has harmed us, love for someone who has disappointed us, and love for the one's who still do not have the ability to "see" us.

When we are in our hearts we are always "seen"for who we are with the knowing that we are enough. Because of this the need for the outside world to "see" us vanishes, leaving nothing but open space to be filled with light, love and the strength to love those that have not showed up for us as we wanted or believed they should.


Namaste

Peace Train

"Each one of us is merely a small instrument. When you look at the inner workings of electrical things often you see small and big wires, new and old, cheap and expensive, lined up. Until the current passes through them, there will be no light. That wire is you and me. The current is God. We have the power to let the current pass through us, use us, produce the light of the world. Or we can refuse to be  used and allow darkness to spread." ~ Mother Teresa

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, we have the power and the choice to turn our lights on. The lights that have grown dim or have been turned off entirely for survival. The only way to do this is to move out of the mind, out of the fear and into the heart. The heart has the answers and yearns to live with complete freedom. What if each of us made the conscious choice to let our lights shine at their full capacity? The choice to greet each day as a new opportunity for love and experience? To look each person we greet in the eyes and say "hello" while our light illuminates from our being? What a beautiful world this would be?

Some would say Idealistic and I can see that~ however in my heart of hearts I know it is possible~ A new world of love and peace.

Can you greet one person today through your heart and not your mind? Standing tall in your vulnerability just long enough to let that moment of true connection charge your spirit?


With Love

Running Away

I have spent the past week or so untangling the web that had wrapped around me. The clarity that results when you detach from drama is almost euphoric. On the flip side there is always the feeling or thought of ~ how could I have not known I was so wrapped up!!! But in staying true to the spiritual practice we must let any judgement go and meet ourselves where we are with love.The mantra "one day at a time" should apply to all of us because trying to be the best person we can be in this world proves to be a daily practice.

Outside of the fire I see my behaviors and how they were so telling as to the mental place I was in~ the constant trying to do something, the what is coming next, what to do next etc. The "doing" place should have been the signal to let me know that I was not present, was not content and was running away from something but in the end we all know we are running away from the truth inside of ourselves and the biggest motivator for the run always ends up being fear.

In Yoga practice we strive to just be, be one with ourselves, our life, this world. This can only be reached through detachment, when we are attaching to anything we are using our mind not our hearts. The old adage of "if you truly love something you can set it free" is true, attachments do not step from the heart they live only in our minds. So there you go~ my obsession with what to DO next and how it will be / look had me spinning in the fire of my mind and ego. Happiness and contentment cannot be found in that fire, happiness and contentment are not a state of mind they are a state of being. As I grab my surfboard to get up and ride the waves of life again I know that I will find myself on the shore at another place and time trying to control the waves, being in a place of resistance and I hope that time will be short lived.

I ask you this morning are you riding the waves of life or trying to control them? Are you living in the flow or the path of resistance?


With love ~

Trouble

Acceptance can be a very difficult task, especially when we are asked to accept something that we may not necessarily want or think we want. This is where the grip on the waves of life try with all their might to hold still and resist the flow. Although I can somewhat stand outside the fire of it all I teeter all too close finding it difficult to see any clarity. In a time when we may be asked to surrender why is there so much fear? Is it lack of faith or lack of knowing what is at the other end and are these actually the exact same thing?

I am afraid to make a move, to make a decision, I am troubled by a sort of paralysis in the forward momentum of my life. Where to turn? Where to go? How? I know that this is the moment of surrender, the moment when you are supposed to jump over the edge...but I cannot and I am stuck.

I have become somewhat obsessive about what is next, about what lies ahead, obsessive about something I cannot control. This forward thinking means one thing, I am not present, I am not in a place of love, I am not content and this saddens me deeply as my Fear has me blocked, has me stuck, has me troubled so I pray for grace, I pray for clarity, I pray for comfort and strength as I begin to try  to dissolve the web of fear that surrounds me.


Can you accept the trials and joys of life with grace???


With Love

Both Sides Now

To return to the notion of finding your comfort or way into the stillness it is also in this place that we must do more than listen to begin to heal. In order for the big shift or A Ha  to happen we must be willing to "see" our place within all of our interactions and relationships. We must be willing to "see" through lenses that are not available for the Ego to high jack! This is part of seeing ourselves through love, there is no wrong, no right, no he said, she said ~ it is just seeing what is. The Ego is our internal merry prankster and for a society that has been taught to look outward the Ego is VERY comfortable in a place of victim and uses many different masks to fool us into believing we are out of the Ego.

Life does not happen to us~ and if this is something we often feel than examining our role in our interactions is essential. When we talk about taking our power back this is where it ties in. There cannot be an interaction or relationship without 2 sides, you always have your part!!! If someone is "doing" something to you then you are choosing to allow that person to do it. You choose to stand or listen and take it~ walk away, hang up the phone, if you do not like something then make yourself unavailable to that situation. If you find you keep going back~ it is crucial to get out of the ego and into the heart to break the pattern. There is fear driving the force to keep you returning and the only place fear does not reside is in the heart.

If our society could try to put emphasis on holding one's self accountable for our role in our interactions instead of looking out at everyone and how it is affecting us~ we would change positively, we would heal as a world. Sounds big and fantasy like but I believe it.

Can you take an interaction that bothers you and "see" your part~ how are you involved in it and what can you do to take your power back and change it?

With Love

Things Can Only Get Better

It is in the stillness that we hear the whispers of our hearts. This place pushes fear aside to reveal what lies beneath, what is bubbling just below the surface of our day to day "go go go" mentality. When we surrender to the stillness, the nothingness, we see hope, feel hope and breathe hope. Access hope and the perception is clear= happiness and freedom.

Take time to sit in silence, in your nothingness, in your fears and allow yourself to get swept away by glorious hope that is constantly trying to remind us that things can and will get better you just have to get out of your own damn way :)


Namaste

Old Man

Why are we so afraid or uneasy in the murk of our own darkness? I have chosen over the past week or so to try to control the impulse to speak, speak of my feelings in hopes of reaching a solution. This is a VERY uncomfortable place for me...for in the silence a voice lurks that I am very unfamiliar with. A voice whose comments are frightening a voice that I have squelched for so long that in truth has led me to where I am today. This voice leads me to believe or to feel as if I dwell in a prison that I have chosen. A prison created through fear, fear of not being loved, fear of rejection, fear of being alone with my own silence, alone with my darkness. I have chosen the path of love with others to help balance out my fear, love has been my escape. So it is common to hear how lucky I am, how fortunate to live the life I live. Lucky in love~ YES I agree however the darkness speaks a different story. I have given it no time to be autonomous so it continues to raise its ugly head to ask...what if you had been less impulsive, asked for more time~ more time for me??? What would you life look like? Would you have made the same decisions, chosen the same path? What if you had actually gotten to know me~ where would you have gone? Who could you have been? I chose to clip my wings out of fear of being autonomous that I alone was not good enough or enough. The exact opposite "picture" of my Dad's life but driven by the same fears.....
It was against everything I was taught to examine this part of your life, let alone lead by it. My Father chose a life of it, he left us, left his responsibilities ran as fast as he could from his light. So for me to be so bright journeying into the darkness where he lived was deemed cruel, wrong and selfish. So here I am on this path of self discovery learning that my squelched darkness literally boils up right under a very thin veil of silence. It wants to speak but how can I let it? I do not trust it, it has never led or made any decisions for me~ it is like a caged animal~ I have no clue what it will do.
My intuition says to keep listening, listen for signs of the truth a place where my dark and light convene, where my heart would agree.

I ask today~ does such a place exist? A place where the dark and light can reign together? A place where they create a balance? How do you get there, how do you find it without unraveling every piece of stone you have placed in the pathway of your life?

Namaste

Have a Little Faith In Me

Lately I have found myself a tad stunned by the lack of faith I seem to have towards mankind. In reflecting back on my life this would make sense, people have disappointed me but if we are human then this would be part of the territory right? I wonder "how" I viewed mankind before and perhaps even now?

My faith has always been a part of me, it has comforted, provided a safe net to heal and definitely helped push me to carry on when I did not have many resources left to turn to. Have I been living with a disconnect between the two? Have I been holding people up to a certain level of standard? Perhaps one that is too high?  Do I have any standard for people or do I expect nothing? Or could it be there is no separation and therefore I expect the same from people as I do God? If the latter is the truth than crap I do not know anyone who could sustain that level of standard? It appears I have some serious inquiry into how I see my fellow kind.

All of this inquiry has been prompted by my youngest son  who has been my constant source of learning in regards to relying on and trusting other people, it is an uncomfortable place for me to be. In order to do this you have to leave room to be disappointed or this is how it seems right now. One of my big rules has been to have no expectations so that you will not be left disappointed~ but now I question how much of myself I actually put into the experience? If protection from disappointment has been a type of trigger how am I present, you have to bring some of yourself to be present right? While writing this I have spun myself into a tizzy...this web is very tangled and sticky!!! There is sorting out that needs to be done in order to reach some sort of level of clarity.....because at the moment I am lost in the muck of confusion.

What about you? Do you trust people as a rule of thumb, do you live your life with a sense of faith in others? How do you get over disappointment?

Namaste

Only Love

Over the past couple days after waking up I have had an overwhelming sense of Love deep down in the pit of my stomach or shall I say soul. I am alarmed by the depth of it, there are few moments in my life when this has happened, 3 of these moments were the birth of my children. For anyone who has a child the magnitude in which you love your child is indescribable. The love fills up every cell of your being especially the very first time you set eyes on these tiny miracles from above. So I am already beginning to question the "why" in regards to having this feeling for no apparent reason. Could it be hormones? Temporary? Even maybe something bad is on the horizon?? Yikes to be Human!!!!!

However as I sat down to right this morning with this pit of love on fire, I would like to explore the idea or notion that this practice of Love is working. Many spiritual teachers have told us over and over that the unconditional love resides in each of us, we are filled with God's light and love you just have to uncover it. If this practice in fact is "healing" my fears and esteem to reveal only love for all then I will continue the fight. Those only love moments have been so powerful in the past that the mere thought of living in a continual state of that feeling creates an abyss of hope. As we can see from the paragraph above we are all human and it will require discipline over the always present human dialogue!!!

Can you access an all love moment and if so allow your whole body to be engulfed by the feeling inviting a bit of healing to occur within your spirit?

Namaste