Thank You

I am constantly reminded that this "whole" living thing is a practice....it is always a practice. A practice in kindness, compassion, patience and so on. We are human, we trip up and that is the facts which is why we must always continue our practice.

Fear has been ever present these days- something that keeps rearing its head but last week while sitting in church I had a bit of a breaking point. While listening to part of the scripture it certainly appeared to me that the words were driving a fear that in turn would create an eternal love? How can that be? And so my practice dove deeper- I think I may have touched on this before but love is abundance, it is pure and it applies to everyone and everything no matter what. Fear creates lack, negativity and doubt love and fear cannot coexist together simultaneously or can they?

I will be continuing this practice of examining the two (fear and love) only because I know when I am purely in my heart no fear can exist, but my head is a different story. The goal is to combine and intertwine the head and heart right? So then what?

As I move slowly away from my fear and back into my heart I am awe struck at how the most simple moments can move one's entire soul. As I sit in the silence this evening I am filled with pure gratitude for the opportunity to be fully present with my little one. I was reminded of the miracle he is, the miracle we all are and with that the tears of gratitude began to flow. These are the tears that take your breathe away- that stir your soul, the blessed tears. They cannot be created in your head and cannot exist in fear....these tears of joy are from the heart. And so I am thankful for the constant opportunity to practice....

I read a plaque today that said " You have your hands full...Yes and you should see my heart" - as I embark on my latest journey - moving from a family of five to six- this statement says it all and there is nothing more.

Namaste

Wake Up and Live

As we have move forward into the new year I have started to go back and study the yogic principle of Satya- otherwise known as our truth. When I think about all the New Year's Resolutions being made I cannot help but wonder how many of them overlap from the previous year or years before? This leads me to this post- Why? Why on earth would we have overlapping Resolutions? What has held you back from accomplishing your resolution last year or the year before? In regards to my own Satya I have to ask are you truly alive and living or just here occupying the planet? This is it this one life and each year ( but really each morning we wake up) we get a chance to Wake Up and tackle our resolution- but I may suggest something else? Instead of a resolution why don't we all resolve to actually live this year. Live in the now, the present and make each day the very best day we could or at least try our best for that?

Our friend Fear rears its head in the trickiest of ways and for so many there is a belief of living and moving forward but fear has them moving at a snails pace or has them moving in circles disguised as moving forward. Fear of failure, inadequacy, being alone, lacking and even of reaching their highest potential- if Fear is holding you back or has a grip around your waist then you are not moving ahead you are stalled out waiting for life to bring you what you want- and I believe in the power of  manifestation but when Fear is involved nothing manifests! You need to become proactive and go out on a limb- be vulnerable- this is when we can truly achieve the life we desire and deserve. Because the truth is every single one of us is deserving of the life we want!!!

So I pose this question today- what is it that you truly want out of this one life? And what are you doing each and every day to go after that dream? Are you proactive and vulnerable?

Namaste

The Rainbow Connection

As I sit here in my pile of intolerance for adult behaviors that seem to continue to circle round and round and round with no apparent end in sight~ not only am I bothered by others but mostly by my own mindset. As I got up to grab some water I was stopped in my tracks my something deemed as holding little to no significance in my life- but maybe it should. The 2 sippy cups drying on the counter featuring Elmo with a smile in scuba gear and Abby as a fairy with a wand darted my energetic field with the reminder of innocence, hope and happiness.

Maybe the kids are the ones that have it right- inundated with fantastic cartoons about the joys of succeeding, being a good person in the midst of adversity and following your heart. Reminders through books and music that things get better and to "just keep swimming". We are jaded as adults- if the kids are here to save our world maybe it is time for adults to start taking cues from the little ones, more cartoons, colors, playfulness, games and the pure joy of just being. And maybe even time for the kids to stop learning from the unhealthy behaviors of our parents that we spend the later part of our lives trying to undo.

Imagine a world full of hope, innocence, color, joy, play and experience- what would you do if you could go back and be a kid again for just one day? Is there a way to incorporate that image into your daily routine now as an adult?

Now this my friends is something to ponder!!

Namaste

ONE

To continue my trail from the previous post about how life is a gift,  it is what we do with it not what we accumulate during it!  I stumbled upon a most fabulous documentary called " I AM " and I urge everyone out there to watch this movie! Talk about uplifting and refreshing but most of all it was amazing to see the validation of living through the eyes of our heart. The movie brought up the term Utopia,  which I have not thought about in ages- I vaguely remember a decade or so ago having arguments about Utopia and how it is not possible while I of course was arguing " YES IT IS" :)

This has sparked some critical and metaphysical thinking- so maybe we cannot create a Utopian society overnight - but why can't we create Utopia within ourselves? The movie talks about the magnetic field, how we all are one and how our thoughts and behaviors influence others. So if we individually strive to find Utopia in ourselves then wouldn't it make sense that it would begin to radiate to others and permeate the surface....hence a trickle down effect happening? Possibly even creating that Utopian society deemed impossible to create?

We are moving rapidly out of the masculine "doing, fixing, and intolerance for emotion"  place we have inhabited for so long and moving into the feminine. Which means it is time for us to begin to lead from our emotions towards- embracing, loving, acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness and love. Out of the head and into the heart- this is where those emotions thrive- so life will feel easier, you will move with grace and be able to ride the wave of life. Things will no longer happen within the perception of  "happening to you" because in your heart you know you are part of something bigger, something greater than yourself and if you are sad or down everyone feels it, we are all in it together, we are all supported from this heart felt place, we are not separate. 

I believe in every fiber of my being that we are brought into this world all the same, gigantic lights of heart and spirit.  Asking the heart to conform to the ways of a consumer driven machine like our society has been doesn't quite jive does it? And you wonder why we end up jaded, unhappy, discontent, lost and trying desperately to find our ways home- we are perpetually trying to squeeze a square peg into a circle space.

I pose this question;
If we are all one and have been blessed with the same gift of life how are you going to choose to live it?

A Gift

I have not posted in long time- mainly due to distraction, time and sorting through the various meanderings of my mind. However it appears every which way I try to slice and dice it my outlook on everything comes down to a real knowing and faith that life is a gift~ it is a simple as this. Your parents gave you a gift and what you do with it is what makes the journey. There are no rights here on this planet, we are not entitled to anything, it is the journey and all the lessons that we encounter along the way that create the filling within this precious container.

So many of us get caught up in our parents and what they did or how they acted, where we came from, our childhood was this or that, etc....none of that truly matters down at the heart of it all. What matters is how you choose to fill this journey. Our perception is one of the most powerful tools we have- where is your perception arrow directed- to the comparison of yourself and the world around you or to your soul and the opportunities that await on your path?

I think about this with my children- I was never one to daydream about the house, the kids, the wedding...etc. In fact I was never really clear as to what I wanted until I met my husband- and the only clarity I had was " I do not want to live a day without this man". There were no thoughts about "good father" or "good husband" or any projections of our possible life, my soul perceived another "gift" on my journey and thank god I was quiet enough and had enough faith to listen. When it came to kids and comes to kids- I have given the gift of life to these boys, I was blessed on my journey to give them life and I am so excited to see how they live it. I want them to experience the beauty, experience the pain, the hope, the disappointment, the lust, the love, the tears, the happiness and so on!! I could go on forever because how cool is it to be the vessel of this gift?! They are here to experience their gift and I can be a witness and if they choose once they are grown have more of a part but it is up to them.

I think we have confused the lines or even forgotten the foundation of it all- we are not entitled to be here, we are not entitled to have what every one else has, we are not entitled to have children- and receiving the gift of being a parent does not entitle us to manage their life or set their course based on what we believe is right. As a parent- yes our journey has been longer and we are wiser from experience,  but we are the same as our kids, our parents, as all of us around us, we have been given the gift of life and it is for each of us individually to recognize the gift and choose what YOU want to make of it.

I believe my suffering or discontentment on this journey is rooted in the energy driven by the ego that surrounds us of " I get to be here and be like everyone else". Our heart knows we have been given a gift / opportunity to live here, just as everyone else has and it can be taken from us at anytime, so follow the guidance in your heart, find your own way and make the most of it~ for it is truly precious.

Namaste

Wild Horses

My heart longs to be free....free from the rules and regulations that I have been taught in order to bind it. Free from the judgement of others, the judgement from myself, the judgement in the teachings and in the rules. Fear has been the dominate tool to keep me flying straight  in this life and in so many ways I am grateful to fear as it has helped guide me safely to where I am today. But the disconnect is no longer...the fear will not lead, it cannot lead for it has now been put where it belongs to keep me safe not to lead my life. My heart has seen and knows the freedom that we are capable of ~ this is the place where we all began. We are all love, we are all divine and we have all touched this freedom we just don't remember it. My heart yearns to be free and to fly to wherever it sets its sights....cause at the end of it all what truly matters most is LOVE

Lotus Flower

I have been reading a TON about shame these days and I am so glad because I had absolutely no idea what shame really is. In fact it did not resonate much with me so in true human form I thought I am good " no shame here " :) I was wrong!!!! I may not live in the language of shame but I sure know how to live with a shame armor~ a shield of shame to actually prevent any shameful events from coming in. Growing up with an alcoholic Dad like I had I have no question nor guilt for my shame armor, it was used to protect and defend so it was for the good however it is not in my best interest now and must make its way out. This revelation has lead me to my post today....we live in a world of instant gratification, so naturally I would like and somewhat expect my shame shield to evaporate immediately this is warranted by the fact that I have recognized it so therefore done the work to make it go.....I don't think so ;-)

We all need to give ourselves a break, healing is a process. It is a step my step journey where we must visit all aspects hiding beneath the area in which we want healed. This could possible take YEARS~ yes YEARS. You may choose to forgive someone that has caused you suffering but that does not mean the pain is healed, it most likely is not and that is okay. It is okay to feel pain in your heart by someone who wronged you years ago, it is okay as long as you recognize the pain and feel it. This comes back to the notion of shame, shame makes us vulnerable, when we turn to anger in a painful situation we are turning to fear -fear of the feelings that are causing the vulnerability and we when stay in this place our healing stalls. We all suffer, we all feel pain and YES we are all vulnerable, no one is above it. We are spirits living in human form and therefore we are subject to painful experiences.

I had a moment a couple of months ago where I saw someone I loved raw with emotion, she was hysterical and without thinking twice I walked over and held her. If someone told me I would be that kind of support 5 years ago to her I would have been offended. This particular someone had hurt me so deeply, had caused a situation so rooted in shame that I was fueled on anger for months even years~ she had penetrated my shame shield in my weakest point,  my children, and I encountered a direct hit to the spirit. This situation spun terribly downward, I was stuck in a place of "how could she do this to me, to my kids, my family"~ it wasn't until I began to recognize my own feelings of vulnerability within the situation that I could actually start to climb out of the web and start to heal. And YES this has taken a good 5 YEARS- Yikes

This post is another reiteration to continue the practice to stay in your heart and when you make or take on something to make it about you~ you are in your head not your heart. Healing cannot take place in your head it is created through your heart and it cannot grow from fear; healing must grow from a place of vulnerability and therefore you must acknowledge the shame surrounding it. A process that takes TIME and that is MORE than okay!!!!!

Namaste