Sunday, December 16, 2012


Taking into consideration my certain affinity of mental challenges a.k.a arguing  :)!! I recently explored a different perspective on the mind.

If our mind were a courtroom where would the EGO  play? This amazing trickster or alchemist if you will plays every role and does it to perfection. The victim~ armed with a false sense of connection and protection for the heart. The lawyer~ armed with every fact needed to win the case working side by side with the stenographer so this role will never forget a memory and can pull on one when needed. The guard blocking out all sense of feeling or heart's desire. And then most of all the Almighty Judge who will rule in favor of what is right which will in turn always be the EGO.

I toyed with the notion of asking the EGO to continue their pursuit and love of the argument but this time to lobby and lobby for love, this will be the only way to truly set yourself free~ saturate the EGO in LOVE. Use its many powers and gifts for LOVE for GOOD.

What would happen if the people of the world begin to drop their own EGO and its powerful energy into the energy of the heart? What would our world look like??? I invite you to close your eyes and imagine.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

What The World Needs Now Is Love Sweet Love

I am at a loss for words in regards to the events of yesterday in Connecticut. How anyone could open fire on innocent children is beyond my comprehension. I feel as though my spirit is trying to claw through my skin to go and "do" something, anything to help alleviate the pain, the unnecessary pain that has been caused. I can only pray for everyone, not just those in Connecticut but everyone we all are in need of prayers because we all live in a world where this happens.

While speaking with a friend today we both pondered what to do, what can we I invite you here today to greet someone with love today, greet them with your heart. Please turn your attention from the downward direction of your device ( a coincidence we all must look down while roaming the world to look at our smartphones / devices ~ I think not!!!) and look up, look up, look around and actually see someone. We have stopped doing this in this world, we are disconnected from each other but most of all from ourselves. I often envision the people of  America walking around and we all have our heads off to the side of us, I see it in the studio, on the streets, in doctors offices, etc.  Our head is running the show and is not connected to the rest of us. So I urge and beg you all please, step outside of your network and greet someone today, in the eyes, through your heart and send them love.  You do not know what impact you could possibly have, it may just make someone feel good, or even feel awkward since it has become so foreign, or you could just maybe "see" the signs we need to see to in order to help someone.

Sending LOVE

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Don't Speak

I grew up in a dysfunctional home, like so many of us did and do however I am finding that the older I am getting the more insight I have into the depth of the situation. My Father took the heat since his illness was front and center. The illness that eventually killed him in fact by the early age of 51. I had my time of wondering why he would choose the bottle over his family however I surrendered for the very first time and accepted him for illness and all at 17. I learned to have no expectations from any situation, learned that he would not change and therefore learned to have a relationship if you will with my Dad for a good 7 years before he passed. I am so grateful for the time we had and the life lesson. My Dad turned out to be a constant force in my life and the loss of him shook me, shook my foundation more than I had realized it could. The irony is he was the one who never changed, always the same and my Mom is the complete opposite, always changing everything from her mind to her beliefs to her desires and so on.....and so he turned out to be a sense of safety for me. My alcoholic Father was safe.....

Due do his disease and consequences from the disease we ended up in therapy to learn about Alcoholism and a very early age. We learned to speak~ my Mother wanted us to talk about everything and anything, let nothing stir and fester just get it out! Helpful yes~ to an extreme absolutely. What I have found in the 10 years since his passing is I do not speak so much. With each year I have become quieter and quieter in a very good way. Some people may find me distant but the truth of the matter is I sort out my drama now, I used to have something come up and get on the phone to vent to anyone and everyone leaving me in circles and confused about how I really felt. Now I wait, I do not pick up the phone and I wait to see if I am really upset about this or not, does it need validation or do I need to be heard, most times I find I don't. It is just idle chit chat out in the atmosphere that isn't serving much of a purpose. I think his passing had much to do with this, I got hit with a major dose of life at 24 and my perspective changed, I grew up and with doing this I became less dramatic, less concerned with others and much more concerned with the big stuff, like what lies beneath....

One of the poignant moments on this spiritual journey was when I was speaking to me teacher during my Yoga Teacher Training program and told her I just couldn't break some pattern, I had talked it to death and tried to see all sides yet was getting no where. She simply said "maybe you need to stop talking" and it changed me forever, I grew up trained to talk so the concept of not talking had never truly occurred, once this "hit" home I was able to really begin to dive into my soul and find my way home.

I am still finding my way and I now listen much more than I ever have, I try my best to empathize when I listen to things that in my perspective are small and petty but to the person saying them they are HUGE~ it makes this path difficult sometimes, but learning to listen has helped a ton, I can retreat within and decipher if it is worth speaking back or best to just listen. It is always a work in a progress and there is always something however I am just so grateful for the opportunity to be here and to have the chance to explore this life good and bad~ you need both, the tough times / down right bad times give you the juiciness you know, the ooey gooey stuff that helps to transcend you to the next level! It is just so awesome to be alive~ such a gift.

So the question tonight to put out there is how does it feel not to speak?


Thursday, November 29, 2012

Against The Wind

While I was in college I was hanging out with a friend, shooting pool at the bar and Bob Seger's "Against the Wind" began playing on the jukebox. I was always fond of the song and of course love Bob Seger~ HELLO~ I am a Michigan girl tried and true :) During the song my friend looks over to me and says this is your song. A very poignant moment because years earlier a boyfriend had mentioned that U2's "Running to Stand Still" made him think of had there been no growth for me between sophomore year of high school and senior year of college. Seriously??? There had been growth but that fundamental part of myself that was always GOING GOING GOING was still there and standing proud. It wasn't until Dad died and I really hit the Yoga mat that I stopped Going or at least began to fight the need to always be busy doing god knows what. If I kept myself busy than I really never had to actually "see" and that was just fine for me, but there in lies the problem...who wants to be "just fine"? I fight this daily, some are better than others but it is still there, a silent ruler who directs my path and I do not realize I have been running this path until I am burnt out.

If we let our hearts rule and lead we should be running with the wind which would be so much more fun and exhilarating, right? I think about how much energy I would have and am enticed. I believe I had a slight taste of running with the wind this week. In a series of no shows, crossed communications, a VERY strong full Moon, no sleep and recovery from the flu I would usually be a complete sour bitch however I have found that my mind would like to go to that place but my heart and soul are winning, a very awkward place to sit. I almost want to be pissed off and victimized because that feels so much more normal ( and passionate therefore really alive you know? ) but I am not. Although all of these little " taking care of myself:" moments got shelved this week, moments that I had believed I needed, I have found nurturing in spaces I would have not had the opportunity to do or shall I say, allowed myself to do because I would have been "busy". So is this what the flow is like? Surrendering to what is: even when it is absolutely not what you would have thought or even thought you wanted?

My sis and I were speaking today about choosing the spiritual journey and how sometimes it can truly suck! Instead of liberation you feel raw and vulnerable, aware of everything to lose, because we are an EGO driven society. Through our heart liberation is key because through this process we are aware and see we already have everything we need and want there is no where to go but up, nothing to lose!!! Too bad it isn't this easy......

A friend of my sister's told her " EGO stands for Edging God Out" I LOVE this...but how profound and frankly scary for our society huh? We seem to be driven by Ego and Status-  I know so many that do amazing things for other people but then have to tell everyone else about it, a heart's work or Ego you tell me.

I am grateful that I seem to be running against a breeze at this point in time, I would take this over the wind any day.

Shine On


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot

I woke up the other morning with Sting's song "Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot" playing in my head. I have said previously that these things have become very common since my father passed on so I paid no attention per usual~ however the song just stayed there right in my mind's eye and I finally gave in. Not to mention I think I may have heard this song once or twice before in my life!!! ( on a side note I once woke up with just one part of an instrumental to a song and I spent the morning scouring I Tunes for the John Mayer song ~ it was imperative :)   Back on track we go ~ so my question is what does this Sting song have to do with me? OBVIOUSLY I am not letting my soul guide me huh?

I began to reflect on the times I truly have let my soul guide me, and there are not very many. Moving away from home, saying yes to my husband's proposal, and walking into my Yoga Teacher Training program are the 3 that stick out the most~only 3 times???? Seriously? Ugh
 I would like to believe that my soul guided me most often as a child but as I have aged I have quieted that voice so many times that it had become a distant memory. Which is part of the reason I am here writing today my soul's voice is back it has taken a good 6 years to get it but it is here and now it wants to lead so I say ~ Please go right ahead!!!

I knew at the age of 13 I was moving to North Carolina, there was absolutely no rational behind this knowing, when asked why I had chosen North Carolina I explained  it was because it is green. I figured it was warmer than Michigan too so that was it. I look back on that knowing at 34 and see that my soul was leading that arrangement. I had never been to North Carolina but knew in my entire being this was where I was headed the first chance I got ~ I was never fearful of the how, the when or why but just knew, and it felt fantastic. So with the very first chance I got I moved at 17 to go to college and have never gone back. My knowing was so strong in fact my ego finally started knocking on its door, because the truth is I was not happy here and could not figure out why in god's name did I have to come here? I created several options to leave and start a different life but something held me here....I now know my soul mate was there on that campus and although we had continued to cross paths the final path had not happened and I needed to stay for that. The irony is our final encounter was 2 months before graduation~ if I had known it would take that long my Sophmore year I so would have bailed! ha ha ha This is what I know exists when you follow your heart and soul and yet Fear still rears its ugly little head. After an experience like this happening to me why or why would I ever have doubt? Could it be the years of programming through Fear?

Thinking about it brings butterflies to the stomach but that just means I need to continue diving in. I yearn for that awesome place of peace that I had when I Knew where I was going , when my soul was my pilot and facing these fears is part of the path a BIG part of the path!

What times in your life did your soul guide you, just the heart and soul, the mind may be exempt from this question....?

Shine On


Monday, November 26, 2012

This is the Time

I was driving down the road the other day and I had an overwhelming sense of "enough is enough"~ and all that played in my head was "Let Love Rule". Music has always been and is an inspiration to me, musicians are so fortunate to be able to have a gift and use it to tap into their soul and let it shine, it has always helped me to access the areas that are guarded off. Ever since my Dad died I have woken up with songs in my head usually sending a message of some kind and this is what I got from this day.

It is the time to rise up and for all of us who can still access our light we HAVE TO SHINE IT!!!! And we have to SHINE IT NOW!!! Our society has a fundamental illness I like to call Beheadedness~ We are consistently walking around with our heads detached from our bodies and truth be told the powers of our society would like to keep it that way if you ask me. I am tired of the ill willed and soul sick and I have to help or at least try so here I am starting this blog with not a clue of what to do other than write. I am also tired of fighting against my own soul sickness and I need to feed the illness with love and so does everybody else. If we are all reflections of one another than how amazing would it be to see love everywhere?

Children see love everywhere and they learn from us the opposite. I do not want my children running against the same forces I have, they need to keep that heart access open so they can truly bloom and succeed in this world.

So there you have it~ In the wise words of Billy Joel "This Is The Time" and the time is going to change and I have to do my part whatever that may look like.