Against The Wind

While I was in college I was hanging out with a friend, shooting pool at the bar and Bob Seger's "Against the Wind" began playing on the jukebox. I was always fond of the song and of course love Bob Seger~ HELLO~ I am a Michigan girl tried and true :) During the song my friend looks over to me and says this is your song. A very poignant moment because years earlier a boyfriend had mentioned that U2's "Running to Stand Still" made him think of me....so had there been no growth for me between sophomore year of high school and senior year of college. Seriously??? There had been growth but that fundamental part of myself that was always GOING GOING GOING was still there and standing proud. It wasn't until Dad died and I really hit the Yoga mat that I stopped Going or at least began to fight the need to always be busy doing god knows what. If I kept myself busy than I really never had to actually "see" and that was just fine for me, but there in lies the problem...who wants to be "just fine"? I fight this daily, some are better than others but it is still there, a silent ruler who directs my path and I do not realize I have been running this path until I am burnt out.

If we let our hearts rule and lead we should be running with the wind which would be so much more fun and exhilarating, right? I think about how much energy I would have and am enticed. I believe I had a slight taste of running with the wind this week. In a series of no shows, crossed communications, a VERY strong full Moon, no sleep and recovery from the flu I would usually be a complete sour bitch however I have found that my mind would like to go to that place but my heart and soul are winning, a very awkward place to sit. I almost want to be pissed off and victimized because that feels so much more normal ( and passionate therefore really alive you know? ) but I am not. Although all of these little " taking care of myself:" moments got shelved this week, moments that I had believed I needed, I have found nurturing in spaces I would have not had the opportunity to do or shall I say, allowed myself to do because I would have been "busy". So is this what the flow is like? Surrendering to what is: even when it is absolutely not what you would have thought or even thought you wanted?

My sis and I were speaking today about choosing the spiritual journey and how sometimes it can truly suck! Instead of liberation you feel raw and vulnerable, aware of everything to lose, because we are an EGO driven society. Through our heart liberation is key because through this process we are aware and see we already have everything we need and want there is no where to go but up, nothing to lose!!! Too bad it isn't this easy......

A friend of my sister's told her " EGO stands for Edging God Out" I LOVE this...but how profound and frankly scary for our society huh? We seem to be driven by Ego and Status-  I know so many that do amazing things for other people but then have to tell everyone else about it, a heart's work or Ego you tell me.

I am grateful that I seem to be running against a breeze at this point in time, I would take this over the wind any day.

Shine On

Kate