Awake

It has been said and told a number of ways~ if you do not love yourself first than you will not love anyone else. This is a great bit of information to know however if it doesn't fully immerse itself inside of your heart,  it is just something to say. Something for your mind to say and agree with.

It appears that for the very first time in 34 years I feel worthy of love.  I believed that I did not doubt whether or not someone loved me which is what I thought this whole notion was about but it appears I did not get it or only was able to comprehend this notion as far as my head could go :).  Lately my ex boyfriend has been appearing quite frequently in my dreams, my husband and I spoke about it and what it could mean etc, it wasn't until I was driving to church that morning did I see why~ in my dreams, we would talk, connect about our lives as they are right now it was a strong connection, the connection we once had. When we were together I did not believe with all my heart that I was worthy of his love, I somehow did not stack up to the image that I believed he would need or want in order to give his heart. The truth is he did love me, all parts. This happened with my best friend this fall, I was talking, sharing my truth not my story and she was crying, crying for me~ I did not recognize what this was until this past Sunday, she loves me. None of this has ever connected, things can be say, people have problems, la la la but I apparently have believed that there was an imaginary line that you must hit in order to receive real love, you must prove you can have it. This is so wrong, all wrong. Trust is earned, respect is earned, admiration earned,  Love is Given.

So it is now for the first time ever that I awake to Love for myself, for all parts~ good, bad and ugly. These parts are all me, I do not have to "be" a certain way, "do" certain things, "look" a specific way to receive love. I feel a little sick that I have gone this long in my relationship with love, I wasn't fully present with those that I have loved and do love, but I did not know, truly did not know because I wasn't present inside of my heart. I am now and I suppose that is what matters most, I have reached this place others live in, talk about, preach about and for my children this is the biggest gift of all.

I ask with love this question~ do you love yourself as a whole? And are you able to fully explore this question within your heart and outside of your head?

Namaste